Ugh...

I can't even write at this moment.

Break it down.

I'm getting ready to spin it around and bring it down again. The school year has started; that means the cold is around the corner and work is on the way. But this time I have a whole new brain wave to spin tracks on. The closer of the summer was a crazy awful good one, if you know what I mean. The last two days were the slideshow of the whole summer, reminding me of what a good time and awful time I have had over the days. But lucky for me, it shows me the new road of the year ahead, what amazing, crazy, upsidedown, twisted inferno, knuckle cracking, spit spitting, guitar ringing action to come!

I have enough stories under my belt to tell, and more to come. I'm not sure what life will bring to my heart, soul, and body. I know their will be change, and I am ready for it. As I always am for life, ready as it is. Who knows what will appear, maybe a new love? New life? Sad endings? Great change? Who knows. I do know that I am once again awake, or I should say reawaken to life. So I am ready, set, go.

Building a new House,
Paul.

As my arms unfold.

Lately, I have spending my days at a good friends house, The Gray, family friends I have grown up with and are like a second home to me. For many reasons I stay here, like, I enjoy being out of the house to feed my adventurous needs, seeing friends, doing new things, laughing about other things. But most importantly, My friend, more like a brother to me, Aaron is getting married and his shower is this weekend. But I decided to come up last week for fun.

I always enjoy my time spent here because I grew up so its like reliving childhood again. Although Rachel has a new cat, that goes by many names, like TimTim, Timmy, Devil Cat, Monster, and Timothy. So my eyes water and nose full of snot, I still love my time here. Even though the thought of Devil Cat makes my lungs shrink to half their size, for I am allergic and my brain says get away, I still enjoy watching TimTim cause chaos to the grapes on the kitchen table. As weird as it sounds, I always pictured myself as a cat, if I wasn't human that is, being lazy all day, making trouble, and eating till I am a fat happy cat.

Because this house is filled with 8 to 9 people at a time, everyone sleeps in different rooms they are not used to, because I am staying in Aarons room. The only room in the house without windows, leaving the room pitch dark when the moon drifts in the sky. Setting the alarm clock to cast a very small red light to help me see. It's very creepy sometimes not being able to see, not knowing if you eyes are even shut. But it makes a good room to loose track of time, not knowing when the sun is out and dancing in his jazz shoes. I have the best dreams in that room, so lucid and crazy. Kind of like Inception.

Anywho, I have gotten to see many friends that I enjoy spending time with. I went with Rachel on her class trip to a lakehouse. It was pretty awesome, I did the normal lake things such as wake boarding, Tubing, jumping off high things into the water. Of course soaking up the rays with good laughs. Although, it reminded me how old I was because I was the oldest there, besides parents of course.

It just reminds me that I am getting old, but to still have a good time. Thats all I ever want to have in life, a good life, a good time, a good family, a good home, good friends. Some say that is wishful thinking, I wouldn't say that, I would say it is keeping the mind clear. For my mind is on board for an fantastic adventure known as life, and I expect no more and no less than what is in front of me!


Have a heart of a child, a mind of the old, and a love like no other.
~P

Like a War.

I don't know why you ask me so many things, I mean I really don't have anything to say about them. I don't understand why you push to know the answers to something you don't care about. You're not being curious, you're being, stubborn. It doesn't even matter really, because I know the answers and reasons to my own problems. Because when it comes down to the end, their isn't a thing I can do, or you, or anyone else. I'm not hurting anymore, of course not, I don't even know what that feels like anymore. Hurt is like being skinned alive, slowly.

No, I don't have words for you anymore, the things I needed to say have already been said. Sure, it's true I should have been smarter with my words, but I never got a chance to think about it. Too caught up in my words you know? Flash of rage and the mellow stillness of feeling sorry. If their is one thing I know by now, you can never be right. Ever. When you are told different of your own thought, that person will stick to what they believe, even if you are right. But if you are right, then you aren't aloud to say anything, because if you do, you will be hung.

I know when to look at myself, to never look. Truth is like a naked person. Blind people always tend to see better from the start. I've always been blind in one eye. I've seen people bleeding, some with burns, others stitching their scars. The smell of fear, and honesty. But the people are separated from them are fine, walking around like front page news.

When disaster follows hard upon disaster and terror hangs on every side...
If you wanted to know what was going on, that is. When you ask what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go. I'll tell you, the first place that doesn't know my name.

Translations.

I have heard of people burying their dead,
people shooting for the stars,
and sparking the flint.

People who don't have cares in the world,
Then ones with rules.
But rules are only guidelines,
and rules are meant to be broken.

People play with magic smoke,
and people play with magic elixirs.
Ones who claim to have seen it,
and people who actually have.

I've always walked on cobblestone streets,
but never have I once watched my step.
I'm on a journey to find someone,
someone who cannot be found.

I am chained to my child like behavior,
chained to my weak lungs.
Like an empty wallet I have nothing to give,
but I don't expect much either.

I was born to be a hunter of hearts,
but somehow I have lost my way.
I was told to be a teacher, voice, leader,
but I have grown as a servant to your wises.

Love said you already have your own wings,
I will not give you more feathers.

Interesting.

Isn't it weird how people say, "I know what you mean" or "I know the feeling". I don't think they do, I tend to say it a lot none-the-less. Even though, I know when you say those two thing, you really don't acknowledge the feeling, or whatever it my be.
But, even if you did mean it, do you really feel what I feel, or at least felt it. Somehow I doubt it.

Man, I tend to doubt a lot of thing s now'a'days, the list grow everyday too. Strange thing is, I don't mind it.

I really don't think I'll find the thing to turn the list around. Not for a while at least.
I've decided to get a tattoo by the way, just thought you should know. One of a Treble Clef over my right shoulder on my back. The other of a puzzle piece on my chest. You can decide what they mean if you want to, I have my own thought on them.

Time, and time again.
~Paul

I don't really know.

A: What are you thinking?

B: What am I thinking? Hm, I don't really know.

A: You always seem to be thinking about something. I just wanted to be let in on you're little secrets.

B: Secrets? I have no secrets. People just think I do because I don't say anything about them.

A: About them? So you do have secrets?

B: No, I said I didn't have secrets, people just think I have them.

A: Oh, well do you have something to hide?

B: I'm pretty sure everyone hide now and again.

A: Not me.

B: Right, I forgot, you don't hide anything at all.

A: Well you know what I mean.

B: Apparently not...

A: Oh, well you should.

B: Right...I really don't think you understand what you're saying.

A: Well do you understand half the things you say.

B: Of course not....

A: .......

B: .......................

A: ..........There you go again, thinking about something.

B: Well do you want me to talk the whole time about useless nonsense.

A: No, I want you to about what you're thinking, of course.

B: .....I'm thinking my eyes hurt and they might fall out of my head.

A: That's interesting?

B: Yeah, see, doesn't really matter. See, People think I have this amazing imagination, truth is, it gets very lonely. I mean, well you wouldn't understand it.

A: Try me.

B: Seriously, you wouldn't. I don't even understand it, and it's my head.

Maybe,
Paul

What you might not know.

Here are some random facts about myself...

~ I like to shower when I wake up and before I go to bed.
~ Sometimes I think about random things so much I get a headache.
~ I wish I was taller.
~ I try to be as loving as possible.
~ I see life as one big ride.
~ I absolutely suck at math.
~ I love discussing random crazy thoughts, but taking it seriously.
~ I play guitar when I'm upset, happy, mad, pretty much any emotion.
~ I don't like people who try to outdo other people for no reason.
~ I'm a guy who enjoys clothes.
~ I like to fall asleep on peoples laps.
~ I wish I didn't have asthma.
~ Not really a big fan of icing on top of cakes.
~ Sweden is one place I could live.
~ Can't wait to get married.
~ I've always wanted to be a music star.
~ I really want to travel the world.
~ I want to change my life to be a better person towards everyone and everything.
~ I could sit all day and not say anything to my girl if she just wants a quiet day.
~ I don't read books unless I can relate.
~ Girls with a little freckles make me smile.
~ If I were to die in one hour, I tell everyone goodbye and go play guitar outside.
~ I like cool/cold weather because I like jackets.
~ I used to rock the big baggy jeans, now I rock skinny.
~ I believe in saving the Earth.
~ I believe in God
~ That means I believe in Satin
~ I believe in "I am being:" as in, "I am being: Joyful"
~ I'll eat just about anything.
~ I love pictures, but I feel like I'm invading peoples space if I'm taking them.
~ I have died before.
~ I enjoy making sarcastic remakes and making no points when I talk.
~ I could sleep all day.
~ I like to know the time of everything.
~ I am getting a headache right now....

Back in my State of Mind

Yesterday we Mandi and I jumped on a plane to come from our 28 day in Sweden. It was such a long day, because the night before I went to bed around 1 and got up around 5:40 last I remember. From there we got into the van a drove to the airport, in between Uppsala and Stockholm. From there we had to wait in line to check bags. Mandi bag (of course) was too heavy, so we had to stick some of her stuff in my bag. I can only think of what they thought if they searched it...

From there we had to go through a field of metal detectors and quickly getting your items back on you. The whole time I was thinking about my friends there in Sweden and how they loved the song Plane from Jason Mraz. Making my heart heavy as I walk to the gate where our plane will leave the ground. With my backpack over my back and my guitar in my right hand, we walk by so many different people and shops. At the gate as Mandi and I sit somewhat quiet, silent but aware we are leaving Sweden, friends, and loved ones.

Finally our row is called and we board the plane, with my guitar safely in hand. I start to worry they will take it from my caring nature. To my surprise they didn't I got it in a over head and there was plenty of room for everyones stuff too! Mandi takes her seat by the window and I sit in the middle and a nice lady sits on the other side. I thought it wouldn't be such a bad flight. As the sun is starting to really shine now through the window, I start to fall asleep before take off. My headphones already pumping some jams into my head, my eyes grow heavy.

3, 2, 1, lift off! The engines sound like one huge wave crashing on the shore. We take off and we are in the air. As Mandi sits quiet in deep thought, I start to do the same thing. 28 days start to take it's toll when you leave. After about 4 hours, I have done just about everything, from listen to music, playing with my fingers, eating candy, asking for drinks, standing in the bathroom, and watching Sherlock Holms. I felt the need to write. So I asked Mandi for a pen and a piece of paper, she got it out and handed to me with a slightly confused face. I don't hand write a lot, I just wait till I find a computer. But this time, I wasn't so I wrote a letter to someone. At first I didn't know what to write, so I wrote what I was thinking and felt. I wrote up the page front and back, to my surprise, I had a ton to say because I could have kept going. My fingers starting to hurt and the lady kept hitting my arm while I was writing. It's bad enough I write like I'm 4 but now I look like I'm stupid now.

After that we landed in the misty overcast city of Newark. Finally I can stretch, eat, walk around, relax, you know, airport things. Customs was easy and we had to move our bags again. Jumped on the airtrain and zipped to the airplane, where we would have to end up waiting 2 hours. Finally getting on the plane after an extra delay of 30min, the smaller plane was between cozy and uncomfortable. We had to fly 2 hours down the coast. From the sky I felt the urge to write again, although, that was Mandi's last piece, I decided to write on the back. The clouds demanded it, they were amazing.

Finally at the airport we walk out to my parents, who are dying to see Mandi and I, big whole hugs all around. But on an empty stomach, I was very hungry so we went out to eat. Mandi and I decided on chili's to get some almost all American food. I got the ribs, thats American if you ask me. I drank from my glass the size of my head. Answering questions from my parents. From there we had a 3 hour drive home to drop off Mandi.

I look back on my new memories and wonder what will happen next in my life now that this amazing chapter of life and it's adventure has ended. I know I'll see my Swede's again, I don't when, but I know I will.
Till the next time, I am here, at home; living and loving.
~Paul

The Sun Sets in Sweden.

Well, this might be my most memorable things to ever happen to me. This whole trip was the most...amazing, crazy, heart stopping thing to happen to me. I have had the chance to try so many new things, meet amazing people, taste amazing foods, and see so many things. As I have said before, when our flight got moved to Monday I was so bummed out. But after I got to meet so many amazing people who are now friends of mine. I just don't want to leave, or at least stay a while longer.

Sadly this awesome chapter is coming to an ending. Tomorrow, Mandi and I fly out to the USA. I really don't know what to say right now. I can't even imagine what I am going to be thinking tomorrow while I am on the plane. Although, I will literally be last weeks news by next week. I'll also know, that last week was the best week I have had, ever.

Sweden is definitely on my "to do" list for the future. I will definitely be back here for sure. I have had one heck of a time here. From learning new words to meeting new people. This whole trip was amazing!

Sadly, I have realized that I am going to miss so many things here. Mostly people. Mostly a person. But, I think we will see each other again, maybe? I hope, no! I pray! But till that next time, I will be awake and alive for life!

Jag älskar dig så mycket!
~Paul

Monday.

You know how everyone seems to hate Monday? Most people go to work, school, other important things. Well, I have always disliked Mondays as well. But this Monday I was looking forward to heading home and seeing my family and friends. Well, the volcano was more of a blessing than a horror. Now I am pretending Monday doesn't even happen every week. I have blocked it completely out of my mind.

Yesterday and Today I was given the offer to talk in the English classes. I said sure and Mandi came along to talk as well. Although I was nervous and had to do the most talking, I think everyone enjoyed Mandi and I. I met so many amazing people in the past 2 days.
But today I had the chance to play in the music class. I played guitar and sang and spoke a little about music. I have never been so nervous in my whole life I think. So many reason, some more pressuring than others. The had no music with me, nothing to drink, not my own guitar, thinking of music off the top of my head, plus, people looking at the the whole time.

I sang with my eyes shut the whole time. Pretending to play for myself, tell myself it's okay. I few times I opened my eyes and peeked to look at someone. They smiled at me while I sang and played. My voice wasn't in good conditions in this cold weather and nothing to drink, plus I was very nervous. I was shaking like a leaf.
But, I found a calming in this person I kept looking at, although, I didn't look often, I didn't want to weird them out.

Anyways, I only have a few more days before awful Monday, so maybe, if I'm lucky, I will get a strong reason to come back in these very short days. Till than i will enjoy where I am and who I am with.

Jag älskar dig!
~Paul

It's all up in the air.

This morning when I awoke in an empty house, sun shining, and people running around like ants. I thought today would be another normal day, and it was. But Taylors trip to Germany is a-go. He jumps on a plane sores through the ash-filled air to the land of Schnitzel to work through the hands of God. Tonight, the group, or team, he is going with got together to talk about if they should still go. This trip has been planned for months now. They spoke about it, shared thoughts, looked up flights, and looked at ashed areas. They have decided they are going, but have asked if God wills it he will stop the flight.
Ironic how Mandi and I will be here till Monday and we are seeing him off tomorrow. Here is the kicker, he is coming back Monday.

So, from this morning to tonight, I didn't know Taylor is leaving. Now it has dawned on me that he won't be here tomorrow. I suppose Mandi took it the same way, but is taking it worse on the ending half. But, the world-known couple doesn't let shadows snap at their ankles. They both are sharing laughs, just they have all week.

I'm more worried about their trip, they all seemed so refreshed and calm in the room talking about it. Though this volcano has brought many airlines to their knees, leaving people sleeping on their suitcases and floors of airports, and leaving most homesick. This volcano packs a nasty punch, but they all have faith that they will make it.
Here is a REAL UNEDITED picture of the volcano, Eyjafjallajokull, yes, that is the real name too...

YES, You're eyes are not playing tricks. That is lighting, lava, ash, and ice all in one picture. Although no one in Europe and the States are getting lava and lighting mixture of death. Iceland is still okay, only one side of the small island takes a beating. But it still leaves many people homeless.
My heart goes out to those in need, those without a home, those who are sleeping on cold tile airport floors, and medication transportation.

Just hold on a little bit longer, we can make it through this.
~Paul

Home is where the heart is.

I've heard a lot of things are good for the soul. But few actually turn out to be true. I would have to say that traveling is definitely considered to be one of the highest in soul growing. Meeting new people, saying new things, eating new things, seeing new places.

I've also heard that "getting there is half the fun". That also turns out to be true. It might be just you alone, on a journey to the store or across the world. Or grab a loved one or a few friends and high-tail it across the start or to the beach!

But when you are away from long periods of time, you began to feel what most people call "Home Sick". This sensation comes from the deepest part or your stomach and travels through the blood line, and under the skin.
As people know, my trip was suppose to be 19 days long, but that has turned into 28 days. Hopefully there is not +(plus) sign on the end of the 28. So while I sleep on my make shift bed of bars and springs, washing clothes so I have things to wear, using my money wisely, and learning to speak Swedish.
I have told myself home is where the heart is, wherever you hang your hat at, wherever your being is, I am There. I must remind myself to be here than somewhere else. To be there for others and myself in order to enjoy myself and the others around me.
So remember, to always enjoy yourself and others in the place you are in. With a harmonious state of mind, and stay awake for the whole ride!

Cheers!
~Paul

Making a list and checking it twice!

As you all know I'm stuck in Sweden at the moment. The trip that had a schedule has turned into a spur of the moment trip. Because Levi and Taylor failed to leave me a key so I can come and go around town as I please, I've been stuck here. (I didn't ask for them to leave me the key, I forgot.) With the world going on outside the windows, I have to choose from these things.

Swedish Tv
Music
Guitar playing
Reading
Eating
Sleeping
Computer
Dancing
People watching

It's really not all that bad, on the count of I have 7 more days to burn before returning to the "...amazing city of Vidalia..." I have been trying to turn "Being held captive my a volcano" into "Enjoying life".
So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I have come up with a list of things I should do when I return home. (Some mandatory, some not)

Plan my Eagle Scout Project
Spending time with Family
Sleeping in my own bed
Going to the movies with someone
Catching up with people near by
Going to the beach
Eating home-cooked food
Telling stories
(This one I really want to do) Get all my Calhoun buddies together and hang out for a few days, hopefully they all still enjoy my company.

So as you can see, I've been missing home, but I am also enjoying the time away from everything.

Killing time before Time kills me.
~Paul

That Volcano is an Ash.

Don't worry it'll be fine
Set the clock back and rewind
For the ashes in the sky fall
I really don't mind at all
My money is running low
Looks like Sunday will be a no show
Oh well, I'll take my time
I'm sure everything will be fine.

So I know I have been posting a lot of blogs, if you keep up with me I mean. I've been trying to keep people who want to be updated, updated. Our flight has gone down the drain and are moved to next Monday. So we will be here another 9 days. Although Mandi and I don't really mind, the mothers back home are missing us. This volcano is not just a global and public headache, it's becoming a personal one with family and friends.

My two friends whom I am staying with, Taylor and Levi, have been keeping my spirit alive and laughing. Although Levi has a Team Trip to Finland Thursday, he will be jumping on a boat and leaving. Taylor also has one, to Germany, But it might not goes as planed because they were going to fly. As for the amazing family known as the Liljebäck, have been keeping Mandi safe and sound with their family love.

Hopefully nothing will go wrong and we will possibly be home sooner if the wind blows a bit quicker and Mt. Eyjafjallajokull (Yes, thats the real name) would stop throwing up ash. Maybe we will get home sooner or later, only time will tell.

From the mind of madness
~P

No Smoking.

I woke up this morning realizing today is my last day in Sweden, and I haven't made plans. Not saying that is a bad thing, but we have done just about everything we can do around us. The only thing that surprises me with its beauty is the nature in itself. Although, nature might be the thing Mandi and I from jumping on a plane and flying home. Due to the Volcano that you have most likely heard about, it still vomits thick ash to choke Europe.



Because nature has literally thrown the world on the edge of it's seat, I feel the worlds panic attack taking place because Mandi and I are in the situation. Although, because nature has no rules, I am reminded that the simple Earth Day is coming up April 22. Remembering that we live on a huge blue and green rock that has more beauty than any man made things.



Caught between fresh air and smoke, time changes, friends and family, home cooked and airline food. I am sitting deep and relaxed in my chair, not to worry about nature, because there is nothing I can do but wait the storm out.

Even when I am up in the air, or down on the ground, my mind will always be sound.
~Paul

What a Fairy Tale.

It's so hot in here. I can't stand it. The bed creeks when I move, I don't wanna wake the others. My hair is still wet and my mind is on fire with thoughts. I wonder what will happen to us. I have no money. I think he is sleep talking. That light looks like road runner. Doesn't smell to me. Maybe someday I'll meet her. Man, I am burning up in this room...Finally.

Okay, here is how we play, you go and hide and I'll come and find you. But if I find you, I win a kiss. Okay. I will hide here between the floors of my mind and the bed I am having a heat stroke in. Shh, don't move, she is here. Her feet move slowly across the wood floors. My chest is still, holding my lungs so they won't give away my hiding place. You're feet are smooth, slightly pale colored, small lines cross every space. I can see them now, they are so close to me. As one foot takes a step back and a knee drops to the floor, along with the other. I know I have been found. Slim lips greet me with a small smile biting the lip and a crinkled nose with a freckle here and there. Hair golden, thick, with a smell of home. "I got you, and we had a deal, so I win my prize". With a soft breeze across my nose, come and find me now. A small laugh and a skip down the hall, looking over her shoulder. It is my turn to play now...

Alarms from a cop car drives by, the sun drives into my eyes. The sound of silence is untouched in the air. My body unmoved for hours. Hair, a mess, for each one had it's own place to be. Eyes, crusty, dry, with a slight fog. My bed shakes slowly to the beat of my heart, pumping through my body. A strange noise fills the air and startles slightly, the mail slips through the door in another room. The day is just starting. I better get up.

Searching for God knows what!

Lately I've been spending my time, spirit, money, love, laughs, and the occasional waste when nature calls in Uppsala, Sweden. The weather is amazing here! most of the time it's sunny, but that is because its spring. Most of the time overcast is the main weather, snow as well. We should be leaving to go back home Sunday, but the skies aren't looking bright at the moment. The chaos in Iceland has stopped all air space in Europe. Although, half of me is wanting to go home to spend time with friends and family. I feel comfortable staying here in loving and welcoming arms of people.

(I would put a picture of all the people I have met in a big group shot, but I haven't had the chance to get one)

Back to the seat high in the sky. The reason we might be unable to come home is because a volcano exploded in Iceland. Sending ashes all over Iceland and slowly spreading it's cancer into Europe. So let us see what God is going to do with us this time.
I am awake and alive for this ride. God has something for me here in Sweden that I must find!



So as of right now, I'm just going to sit back, relax, enjoy Sweden while a still can. This might be the only time I ever get to come here, although, I sure hope not, it's beautiful here. I haven't had enough amazing foods yet, I still have people to meet, things to do, places to see! My life is only just starting!

I am Awake and Alive.
~Paul

Question Me.

You know those questions you get in your mind about someone when you meet them? Like the questions, who are you friends with, where do you live, age, name, you know all those kind of questions. But once you become their friend, the questions keep coming, some deeper, some shallow. either way, life is full of questions. Friends, Family, boss, that random guy that needs help finding out how to get to the subway. You will be attacked by all sides. The questions made like men, with combat boots and rifles, tanks and planes. Advancing on all sides. But somehow, no matter what the question, you make it out alive.

Now, there are always those questions for your friends that you don't know how to ask. The ones that really do lay on the line. Not those questions like "Oh, who is she dating now" or "I heard...ect". I'm talking about those questions you can't even sum up to question. the ones you put away when you think about. The one you say "I'll ask at a better time". The one your friendships depend on.

You know, friendship is a funny thing. Like you go out of your way to help someone. Say things to protect someone. Stand up for someone that your not really sure about.

Lately, I have come across this realization that friendship, I mean real friendship. Not the Cracker-Jack-Prize-In-a-Box friendship, is truly a hard thing to come by these times. I really think friendship isn't full of questions, its full of talking. What I mean by that is, you don't need to ask these off the wall questions. they should be able to tell you knowing, that they can be welcomed with open arms.

I have found that I have questioned so much, my whole life. makes me wonder sometimes.....
I have been pressed against the wall with questions, makes me wonder as well.

Friend, I tell you now that a chapter is coming to a close in my life, and a new one is over the horizon.

From the cold air of Sweden,
~P

And if the Plane goes down...

If you keep up with me and my life, you know I have been talking about going to Sweden since last year. Well, that day has finally come down to, well, very soon. You see, I depart from the good'ol U.S.of.A in 2 days. I leave by car to Jacksonville, Florida, Tuesday(30th) and fly into Newark, New Jersey. Lucky for my dear friend, Mandi and I, we get to sit around for 9 hours playing, I Spy, or something of the sort. Depart from there to go to Stockholm, Sweden(Wednesday the 31th) In other words, I will be traveling for a full 24 hours. But thats okay, I heard traveling is good for the soul.

I still haven't got all my things together yet, and my mother is starting to panic. But that's alright. Shes caught in deciding to drop me off to depart or pick me up. MSK and Mama Kay will most likely do both? I have no idea, I'm not up to date with anything. (sorry)

I am somewhat nervous flying alone over the big blue. But I have always wanted to travel the world, so one small step for me, one giant step for me again in the future!

I do plan on keeping everyone I know updated on Facebook, although, I don't know if many people care. I didn't get any goodbye's today from people. But that's okay, I don't think they realized I won't be here too much longer. But as I said, Status updates, pictures, videos, blogging, skyping, and hoping some string and a can actually can work. You will know what has been going on.

For those I won't get to talk to, make sure your shoes are tied and watch both ways before crossing the road. (This is my traveling song and theme this week.)

Love to everyone, even you.
~Paul

Only one street in my Mind....

You need to stop waiting, hallucinating,
Tragedies happen, hurry jump ship captain!
You gotta bad cold or somethin?
This party house is waiting for jumpin!
Sick of sittin around waitin,
Waitin, for that girl to stop meditating.
Hurry, no wait, drop dead,
I'm crazy stop spinnin in my head.

Go ahead and get gone,
I realize I'm only a pawn.
Man, I should jump back on topic,
Too bad my ego isn't microscopic.
Sorry, I didn't mean to jump the gun
Yeah, it always seems you loose a loved one.
I'm not afraid to play with shadow and light
They always seem to put up a good fight.

Because testing the waters is what I do,
I test them only to save you.
Yeah, I know that doesn't make cash,
I'll be like a super hero, back like Flash.
Cause' I'll be clearer than Blu-Ray,
I can even right it out like an essay.

Takes one to know one....Liar...wait...

It seems to be that everyone is a liar now days. Now hear my out till I'm finished typing all this. But I really do, and I don't mean that in vicious attitude. But everyone is a liar by simple human nature. I like it though, knowing everyone is a liar. I mean, I take it that everyone lies, or, bends the truth, whatever you fancy. But I think it gives you the edge if you never take it as the whole truth, even if it is the whole truth. The reason behind that is simple, if they lie you won't ever get caught off guard. Well, maybe sometimes.

I like to believe everyone lies all the time. The reason is, if I need to gather info, not dirt, but info, I can always get the truth and a lie. It seems to me when you ask someone something, a story, gossip, rumors, anything really. They tend to give you a truth filled lie. Meaning no matter what, you have a lie, but you also have truth. You just have to be good at...lying to pick out the lies in the story they give you. Takes one to know one if you know what I mean. I'm not saying I'm a liar, I mean sure, I have lied before, but who hasn't.

Oh, for that first part about getting truth and lies, is the next time they lie, it'll most likely be the same, the truth will be different.

So am I a liar in telling you all this, or am I telling the truth? Maybe I'm beating around the bush hoping you understand what I'm saying. Oh, or hinting at something! Maybe I'm crying out for help, by telling lies? Why would I do that? I'm afraid, afraid of the truth, hoping someone will force me out of my comfort zone, because I can't do it.

I tend to like liars...or should I say people...Either way, I like liars because they are puzzles to me. Like I told my friend, I'll find out what's going on, I'll pick out the lies so I know the truth, then build around it. It's like reverse psychology? I'm not sure....Whatever you want to call it, it works.

Oh, and for you people who say "I tell the truth all the time!" You need to stop lying.

I've never met you before...

Lately it has been interesting to me. I have been talking and meeting people I don't even know in real life. I guess that might sound strange, but I know friends of theirs that are good friends of mine. So I guess in a way, I know them. But if you thought that was strange, get this. I have found comfort in talking to a almost complete stranger. I like knowing whatever I tell them won't come back to haunt me. Although that might not be full proof, in my mind, it is.

I feel I can say or tell them anything. Feel confident in who I am and who they are. I never really understood my connection to people. People have been telling me lately that I am easy to get along with, comforting, relaxed, a hiding place. That's all I have ever wanted to be, a safe zone away from evil, darkness, pain.

I think the reason I am comforting to people is because I have been through what they are just going through. I always self inflicted drama or pain, chaos and sadness upon myself. To prep my mental stability to help people. I mean it's true, we build up our life around safety routines. But I built mine to be exposed to it. So when darkness lurks between the cracks of my friends walls, I will be there to stop it.

"Chaos is a friend of mine." ~ Bob Dylan

I'm dreaming of a white Valentines

On February 12, 2010. Vidalia Georgia got around 3 inches of snow since 1992, the year I was born. That is 17 years believe it or not ripley! This was a great day! But sadly, I was stuck at work getting orders just watching the snow. This day was possible the best worst day that has happened in a long time. Let me give you the pros and cons...

Pros:

I got off work early

It snowed!

I got a valentine :)

I hung out with some friends

Played in the snow

enjoyed life for around an hour

True friends

Cons:

Broken glass

hitting/tapping someones car

getting stuck trying to go home

getting stuck having your friend come pull you out, just so you can brake an oil pipe after you spent $8000.00 having it fixed. Thats right, that has 5 zero's, no typos.

So after my day of mixed emotions, I am finally home, without a car, work tomorrow, tending to peoples needs, hoping I don't have a cold tomorrow, hoping his car is fine, awkward moments, all these crazy things really.

I'm not too sure how to think of today. But I do know I got a fortune cookie today that said "remember this date, good things will happen to you in three month." You better be right fortune, I put all my Asian power into you!!!

Anyways, I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, I gotta get some sleep. I just popped a few pills to help me and sipping on MT. Dew.

Happy Valentines Day to all, and too all a good night!

Beautiful

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have either been at work, taking peoples orders and mopping the floor. Or I have been out trying to have an average life. Although, with the worlds chaos trying to search me out of my hiding place. I have still found peace in my music and I always will. It might be playing or listening, either way, my soul is at rest.

Recently, I have grown out of my somewhat normal life and gone into the work force. To supply myself with random activity's and my random eating habits. Fueling my childish needs for material items. Saving up for my trip in Sweden soon.

This is not counting my home life, with school and family. Then staying updated with friends, it can be hard sometimes. Lately I have also made tons of new friends and reunited with some old ones. In this amazing collision, I have lost touch in some close friends. Not in a bad of course, but, none-the-less, I still have.

Today, I spent the day to myself, I have been drinking tea all day, with the television off and my music on. I spend most of my time on my floor thinking, while looking out my window at the pond. Although, today it was raining so that was very pleasing to me. My room being the wreck it was always meant to be, I sit, in silence. With clothes piled high, my guitar case next to me as I use it as a mini desk. So I can set my hot tea, pen, paper, book of quotes, and computer on it. My guitar in my lap, I play on and off laying on the ground watching the fan spin with my mind.

After about two hours of that, I ran into a song I have always knew about but never seriously took a look at. The song is called "Bella Donna" by "The Avett Brothers." Such a amazing song, with vocals that linger and guitar riffs that chill to the bones. I believe he speaks of a girl he knows, not named Bella, but Donna. That he had very close connections with and lost in time. I think he liked he but she never took the time to look into him. Although, he tired his best to get her attention.

Bella is short for Isabella, meaning Beautiful. So you could just say Beautiful Donna. I'm not too sure what to say about the lyrics and names, but I do know their is a soul in this song. So I challenge you to go around your house and turn off everything that makes noise and turn up your computer and listen. If your home with family and they are watching tv, then maybe just shut your door or pop in headphones. But do not check your facebook, cell phone, answer that text, respond to mother or father pause the song in any way. But to keep your eyes shut and pay attention for once.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XybDZ9I9k4k

Peace rest my soul.

Sorry I haven't been on in a while, feeding the internet my thoughts. I'm sure you want to hear about my date with chaos went. Well to be honest, it wasn't all that bad. I had to weather it out and fight my thoughts to get the best of me. But at the end of the night, I was refreshed that I got though the night.

But after that, Sunday, was so calm, this week to go along with it. I have felt a calm vibe every morning. Although I have felt that feeling before, this has been the most I have every felt it.

So every morning I have had a cup of hot tea in honor of the peace that has graced me.

Anyways, thats the update lately, not too much going on anymore.

~Master Paul

P.S. I got a new job, more on that later...

Apathy by Default.

Tonight I have a date with chaos. Yes, I know what your thinking if you know what I'm talking about. Should be - a lesson for me, to try and understand the mess around me. To acknowledge and cope with lovers and loved. Somewhat difficult to order my mind and quiet my thoughts from making my knees weak. With blood brewing at 109 degrees, sweating back, cold hand, and shadowed eyes. I will remember to compose in front of others to not look like a fool in front of the queen.

Even though I will be seated, hands free, I will feel like I am in a emotion straight jacket. Although I put the jacket on myself, everyone else locked me in.

Anyways, I can't write anymore, I'm getting frustrated, again...

"I can see the star on your shoulder tonight..."

Signing off

~P

You just got homeschooled!

I have been getting a lot of questions about how being home schooled changes things and what I do everyday. Well after countless hours of work from the top scientist from all over the world. I am here to show you the answers to your questions.
Here is a 24 hour range of everyday life in my world. Starting at 12AM-12AM
Via Pie Chart

2 truths and a Lie?

Isn't is weird how the truth is so illusive? Like in a situation, you know the truth and you want to say it but the truth is so cunning, it can somehow stay in the back of your mind. So you sit around pretending nothing is wrong, and even sometimes right. But in most cases, the truth hurts and can make for awkward situations, even though the truth is so quietly spoken. Soft words make the ears bleed I like to say. It's like a deadly toxin, invisible to the eye, seeping into your skin and down your lungs. Leaving you gasping for words to say next.

But yet, here, I sit, a liar. sitting here in all my disgust of my doings. Equal with everyone else in the world, begging for truth but afraid to let it ring. It's a problem I face all the time, truth and lies. Everyone and everything lies, news, friends, family, the list can go on forever. Some people like to say "It's for safety reasons." Is it really? Who is to say?

Words are like a bottle of toothpaste. You can squeeze all the tooth paste you want out, but once its out, it can only be used or washed away. It can never be put back into the bottle and sealed. Like the mind being the bottle of toothpaste, and your words like the fresh minty blue/white gel or paste. Once said, it's out there for good, never to return to the mind. Just like everything who read this will forever know what I wrote and can use my words against me, at any given time.

They say if you could hear everything that has ever happened in history and you stood on the closest star to earth (besides the sun) Alpha Centauri. You could hear pirates taking over a British ship by force, cannons and all. Crazy how noise and words continue on in space. But thats only a reminder to be careful of what you say.

Remember to brush and stay fresh kids! ~Paul

Whos got the gun?

I've always been told "the love you give, is the love you receive." Somehow I must have gotten that wrong somewhere because lately its been "The love you give, never comes back again." But it seems easy how you could get that mixed up I suppose. It's only Monday from when I posted about how edgy I am going to be this week. Well, it's already taking it's toll on me. I had crazy dream that me and one of my younger friends robbed a house and went back to the same house but this time they had cameras and got our faces and the cops came after us. I literally woke up thinking the cops were still coming for me. It took me about 15min to tell myself it was just a dream.

I will probably have crazy dreams like that until this week is over. Being maxed out in stress and anger are not a good mix at all.

I just don't really know whats right from wrong anymore. See, let me let you in on a secret, people suck and me being a person, I suck. But see, it's not just me, it's everyone! Not saying everyone is a jerk all the time, but it's more of the fact that people have no respect, including me, I have no respect. But when you give, thats the only thing that happens, you give and you lose a little of what you once had. It mind be energy, thoughts, love, life, respect. You get the idea - we talked about it earlier, remember? I have found that my fountain of fortune is about dry and will be bone dry by the end of the week.

But wait, of course, people will try to make up for it. But so they can do what next? Who knows till it happens.

They do pin you against the wall with you hands tied and your mouth taped with a gun to your head. Heres the twist, you can at ANY point of that situation, spring out, grab the gun, and reverse the situation. But who is the bad guy? You are. So you find it best to let them shoot you (metaphorically of course) and pretend that the bullet thats burning inside you doesn't hurt that bad. As you can see them say "I love you friend." Of course they do, thats why they got you in the back.

Turns out it was just another bad dream, metaphorically of course. Looks like I'll continue on my trail of getting punched in the jaw, stabbed in the back, shot in the foot, kicked to the dirt, and spit on. It'll be alright I suppose, I'll remember to be humble and forgive them anyways. Just one more thing I'll never get recognized for. But what matters in this world is who has the gun.

See you in the afterlife...

~Paul

Sleeping In?

Don't you hate when you get to bed early thinking your going to awake full of energy. So you hit the pillow around 10ish and thinking about waking up 9ish. That's a good night sleep if you ask me, 12 hours to enter the dream world and have a little fun. Nope sorry, I didn't mean to wake you but your going to be tired still. You stay up till 4am and wake up at 8am and you feel the same. I don't really understand it. What have I been doing you ask? Nothing - sitting around and doing nothing.

I have decided that you can't really get enough sleep to keep your energy up, but naps do! How crazy is that? Sleep for 12 hours and feel tired, or you take a kitty-nap for 15min and bam, your fully awake. How crazy. But if I had the choice, I would sleep all day. Yeah, thats the life, sleeping. If I could, I would trust me, and if you wanted to see me, well, you can meet me in the dream world. It's getting late though, 12:38 really, I need to have some energy tomorrow. Jokingly of course.

"I'll let you be in my Dreams, If I can be in yours." ~ Bob Dylan

See you in a few hours.

~Paul

A Couple and One

So, I this next week should be fine. Wrapping this week off tomorrow (Sunday). After that I'll back to the same ol' same ol', but there a twist during the weekend. Frustration will rise as the days count down to the weekend. I will try to keep myself as calm as I possibly can, not to bug anyone. This will become a lesson and a good test I think, a hard one too.

I will remember to be humble, and to stay as present as I possibly can. Forgive if I am not all there. I must remember I am there for one thing and only one thing. I must also remember to count to 10 when I need to do so. Day dreaming might come in handy as well. So forgive if I am not there.

It will most likely feel like a dream to me, not real, make believe, a tall tail about Emiline, Shivon, Ruffio, and DJ. I will be blogging a lot this week, because my mind will fill faster with thoughts then any other week. Remember to bear with me this week, I will be on the point of a knife. Who knows what I'll do, scream, yell, shout for joy, cry, fight, crawl under my skin, hide away from the world.
I will let you, the reader know how it goes. Till then, I will start to count to 10.

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion . . . . I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

~Paul

To Transform or Convert your eyes?

Readers Note: This might be a little depressing. Hit the Facebook icon or go back a page if you wish for me not to bum you out. Also, this is a bunch of deep thoughts and scatter brain talking, I might jump around with my point (If there is one I mean).

Someone once said "Nothing is good, because nothing last." As a bullet might do to your chest it pierced through my mind. Ringing in my head, I wonder how much of it is true. To me, I might as well say all of it, judging how my life has always been. It seems that everyone and everything changes at some point. Better or for worse, no one knows till it happens.
I know what your thinking, "Yeah, but it's human nature to change." This is very true. You might also add
"Friends never change either." That is false, very much so really. I know, I know, friends are friends, but they change. The point of a friend is growing together, if you don't grow together. You split up, in other words, they change.

I was riding in the car with someone not too long ago and they said "Rose Colored Glasses." That was, pure stroke of awesome-tastic words. If you don't understand the saying, It means that your in love. The conversation I had with this person was very interesting to me, for my own reasons of course.
I responded to them after that, " I wonder where you can buy a pair of those."
Although they didn't know that behind my teeth I wanted to say "I need a new pair, on the count someone stole mine."
I do wear a nice pair of blue ones though. A easy fit across my ears and nose. You can judge what the color means for yourself.
Ironically, later that night after I had talked about everything that sparked my mind I read a quote that said, "Relationships are like glass. It's better to leave them broken rather than cutting yourself putting it back together." Can I just say, that's an awesome quote. But so true with the glasses.

Lately I have trying new glasses on, with no luck. Too big, too small, cost too much, dirty and used. I can't seem to find the right fit. Although I have found some, they tend to have scratch and cracks when I stick them on. But only when I put them on.
The change is so - sure, without a second thought, the glasses change before my very eyes. I didn't even bother to check my wallet to see if I had the cash to get the glasses. Sadly, someone stole it a while back.

The change of the world takes its toll again on me. Unready, shaking, and cold, I get left in the dark again. The morbid change it takes despite the people in the world.