Peace rest my soul.

Sorry I haven't been on in a while, feeding the internet my thoughts. I'm sure you want to hear about my date with chaos went. Well to be honest, it wasn't all that bad. I had to weather it out and fight my thoughts to get the best of me. But at the end of the night, I was refreshed that I got though the night.

But after that, Sunday, was so calm, this week to go along with it. I have felt a calm vibe every morning. Although I have felt that feeling before, this has been the most I have every felt it.

So every morning I have had a cup of hot tea in honor of the peace that has graced me.

Anyways, thats the update lately, not too much going on anymore.

~Master Paul

P.S. I got a new job, more on that later...

Apathy by Default.

Tonight I have a date with chaos. Yes, I know what your thinking if you know what I'm talking about. Should be - a lesson for me, to try and understand the mess around me. To acknowledge and cope with lovers and loved. Somewhat difficult to order my mind and quiet my thoughts from making my knees weak. With blood brewing at 109 degrees, sweating back, cold hand, and shadowed eyes. I will remember to compose in front of others to not look like a fool in front of the queen.

Even though I will be seated, hands free, I will feel like I am in a emotion straight jacket. Although I put the jacket on myself, everyone else locked me in.

Anyways, I can't write anymore, I'm getting frustrated, again...

"I can see the star on your shoulder tonight..."

Signing off

~P

You just got homeschooled!

I have been getting a lot of questions about how being home schooled changes things and what I do everyday. Well after countless hours of work from the top scientist from all over the world. I am here to show you the answers to your questions.
Here is a 24 hour range of everyday life in my world. Starting at 12AM-12AM
Via Pie Chart

2 truths and a Lie?

Isn't is weird how the truth is so illusive? Like in a situation, you know the truth and you want to say it but the truth is so cunning, it can somehow stay in the back of your mind. So you sit around pretending nothing is wrong, and even sometimes right. But in most cases, the truth hurts and can make for awkward situations, even though the truth is so quietly spoken. Soft words make the ears bleed I like to say. It's like a deadly toxin, invisible to the eye, seeping into your skin and down your lungs. Leaving you gasping for words to say next.

But yet, here, I sit, a liar. sitting here in all my disgust of my doings. Equal with everyone else in the world, begging for truth but afraid to let it ring. It's a problem I face all the time, truth and lies. Everyone and everything lies, news, friends, family, the list can go on forever. Some people like to say "It's for safety reasons." Is it really? Who is to say?

Words are like a bottle of toothpaste. You can squeeze all the tooth paste you want out, but once its out, it can only be used or washed away. It can never be put back into the bottle and sealed. Like the mind being the bottle of toothpaste, and your words like the fresh minty blue/white gel or paste. Once said, it's out there for good, never to return to the mind. Just like everything who read this will forever know what I wrote and can use my words against me, at any given time.

They say if you could hear everything that has ever happened in history and you stood on the closest star to earth (besides the sun) Alpha Centauri. You could hear pirates taking over a British ship by force, cannons and all. Crazy how noise and words continue on in space. But thats only a reminder to be careful of what you say.

Remember to brush and stay fresh kids! ~Paul

Whos got the gun?

I've always been told "the love you give, is the love you receive." Somehow I must have gotten that wrong somewhere because lately its been "The love you give, never comes back again." But it seems easy how you could get that mixed up I suppose. It's only Monday from when I posted about how edgy I am going to be this week. Well, it's already taking it's toll on me. I had crazy dream that me and one of my younger friends robbed a house and went back to the same house but this time they had cameras and got our faces and the cops came after us. I literally woke up thinking the cops were still coming for me. It took me about 15min to tell myself it was just a dream.

I will probably have crazy dreams like that until this week is over. Being maxed out in stress and anger are not a good mix at all.

I just don't really know whats right from wrong anymore. See, let me let you in on a secret, people suck and me being a person, I suck. But see, it's not just me, it's everyone! Not saying everyone is a jerk all the time, but it's more of the fact that people have no respect, including me, I have no respect. But when you give, thats the only thing that happens, you give and you lose a little of what you once had. It mind be energy, thoughts, love, life, respect. You get the idea - we talked about it earlier, remember? I have found that my fountain of fortune is about dry and will be bone dry by the end of the week.

But wait, of course, people will try to make up for it. But so they can do what next? Who knows till it happens.

They do pin you against the wall with you hands tied and your mouth taped with a gun to your head. Heres the twist, you can at ANY point of that situation, spring out, grab the gun, and reverse the situation. But who is the bad guy? You are. So you find it best to let them shoot you (metaphorically of course) and pretend that the bullet thats burning inside you doesn't hurt that bad. As you can see them say "I love you friend." Of course they do, thats why they got you in the back.

Turns out it was just another bad dream, metaphorically of course. Looks like I'll continue on my trail of getting punched in the jaw, stabbed in the back, shot in the foot, kicked to the dirt, and spit on. It'll be alright I suppose, I'll remember to be humble and forgive them anyways. Just one more thing I'll never get recognized for. But what matters in this world is who has the gun.

See you in the afterlife...

~Paul

Sleeping In?

Don't you hate when you get to bed early thinking your going to awake full of energy. So you hit the pillow around 10ish and thinking about waking up 9ish. That's a good night sleep if you ask me, 12 hours to enter the dream world and have a little fun. Nope sorry, I didn't mean to wake you but your going to be tired still. You stay up till 4am and wake up at 8am and you feel the same. I don't really understand it. What have I been doing you ask? Nothing - sitting around and doing nothing.

I have decided that you can't really get enough sleep to keep your energy up, but naps do! How crazy is that? Sleep for 12 hours and feel tired, or you take a kitty-nap for 15min and bam, your fully awake. How crazy. But if I had the choice, I would sleep all day. Yeah, thats the life, sleeping. If I could, I would trust me, and if you wanted to see me, well, you can meet me in the dream world. It's getting late though, 12:38 really, I need to have some energy tomorrow. Jokingly of course.

"I'll let you be in my Dreams, If I can be in yours." ~ Bob Dylan

See you in a few hours.

~Paul

A Couple and One

So, I this next week should be fine. Wrapping this week off tomorrow (Sunday). After that I'll back to the same ol' same ol', but there a twist during the weekend. Frustration will rise as the days count down to the weekend. I will try to keep myself as calm as I possibly can, not to bug anyone. This will become a lesson and a good test I think, a hard one too.

I will remember to be humble, and to stay as present as I possibly can. Forgive if I am not all there. I must remember I am there for one thing and only one thing. I must also remember to count to 10 when I need to do so. Day dreaming might come in handy as well. So forgive if I am not there.

It will most likely feel like a dream to me, not real, make believe, a tall tail about Emiline, Shivon, Ruffio, and DJ. I will be blogging a lot this week, because my mind will fill faster with thoughts then any other week. Remember to bear with me this week, I will be on the point of a knife. Who knows what I'll do, scream, yell, shout for joy, cry, fight, crawl under my skin, hide away from the world.
I will let you, the reader know how it goes. Till then, I will start to count to 10.

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion . . . . I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

~Paul

To Transform or Convert your eyes?

Readers Note: This might be a little depressing. Hit the Facebook icon or go back a page if you wish for me not to bum you out. Also, this is a bunch of deep thoughts and scatter brain talking, I might jump around with my point (If there is one I mean).

Someone once said "Nothing is good, because nothing last." As a bullet might do to your chest it pierced through my mind. Ringing in my head, I wonder how much of it is true. To me, I might as well say all of it, judging how my life has always been. It seems that everyone and everything changes at some point. Better or for worse, no one knows till it happens.
I know what your thinking, "Yeah, but it's human nature to change." This is very true. You might also add
"Friends never change either." That is false, very much so really. I know, I know, friends are friends, but they change. The point of a friend is growing together, if you don't grow together. You split up, in other words, they change.

I was riding in the car with someone not too long ago and they said "Rose Colored Glasses." That was, pure stroke of awesome-tastic words. If you don't understand the saying, It means that your in love. The conversation I had with this person was very interesting to me, for my own reasons of course.
I responded to them after that, " I wonder where you can buy a pair of those."
Although they didn't know that behind my teeth I wanted to say "I need a new pair, on the count someone stole mine."
I do wear a nice pair of blue ones though. A easy fit across my ears and nose. You can judge what the color means for yourself.
Ironically, later that night after I had talked about everything that sparked my mind I read a quote that said, "Relationships are like glass. It's better to leave them broken rather than cutting yourself putting it back together." Can I just say, that's an awesome quote. But so true with the glasses.

Lately I have trying new glasses on, with no luck. Too big, too small, cost too much, dirty and used. I can't seem to find the right fit. Although I have found some, they tend to have scratch and cracks when I stick them on. But only when I put them on.
The change is so - sure, without a second thought, the glasses change before my very eyes. I didn't even bother to check my wallet to see if I had the cash to get the glasses. Sadly, someone stole it a while back.

The change of the world takes its toll again on me. Unready, shaking, and cold, I get left in the dark again. The morbid change it takes despite the people in the world.