Monday, October 4, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Break it down.
I'm getting ready to spin it around and bring it down again. The school year has started; that means the cold is around the corner and work is on the way. But this time I have a whole new brain wave to spin tracks on. The closer of the summer was a crazy awful good one, if you know what I mean. The last two days were the slideshow of the whole summer, reminding me of what a good time and awful time I have had over the days. But lucky for me, it shows me the new road of the year ahead, what amazing, crazy, upsidedown, twisted inferno, knuckle cracking, spit spitting, guitar ringing action to come!
I have enough stories under my belt to tell, and more to come. I'm not sure what life will bring to my heart, soul, and body. I know their will be change, and I am ready for it. As I always am for life, ready as it is. Who knows what will appear, maybe a new love? New life? Sad endings? Great change? Who knows. I do know that I am once again awake, or I should say reawaken to life. So I am ready, set, go.
Building a new House,
Paul.
I have enough stories under my belt to tell, and more to come. I'm not sure what life will bring to my heart, soul, and body. I know their will be change, and I am ready for it. As I always am for life, ready as it is. Who knows what will appear, maybe a new love? New life? Sad endings? Great change? Who knows. I do know that I am once again awake, or I should say reawaken to life. So I am ready, set, go.
Building a new House,
Paul.
Friday, July 23, 2010
As my arms unfold.
Lately, I have spending my days at a good friends house, The Gray, family friends I have grown up with and are like a second home to me. For many reasons I stay here, like, I enjoy being out of the house to feed my adventurous needs, seeing friends, doing new things, laughing about other things. But most importantly, My friend, more like a brother to me, Aaron is getting married and his shower is this weekend. But I decided to come up last week for fun.
I always enjoy my time spent here because I grew up so its like reliving childhood again. Although Rachel has a new cat, that goes by many names, like TimTim, Timmy, Devil Cat, Monster, and Timothy. So my eyes water and nose full of snot, I still love my time here. Even though the thought of Devil Cat makes my lungs shrink to half their size, for I am allergic and my brain says get away, I still enjoy watching TimTim cause chaos to the grapes on the kitchen table. As weird as it sounds, I always pictured myself as a cat, if I wasn't human that is, being lazy all day, making trouble, and eating till I am a fat happy cat.
Because this house is filled with 8 to 9 people at a time, everyone sleeps in different rooms they are not used to, because I am staying in Aarons room. The only room in the house without windows, leaving the room pitch dark when the moon drifts in the sky. Setting the alarm clock to cast a very small red light to help me see. It's very creepy sometimes not being able to see, not knowing if you eyes are even shut. But it makes a good room to loose track of time, not knowing when the sun is out and dancing in his jazz shoes. I have the best dreams in that room, so lucid and crazy. Kind of like Inception.
Anywho, I have gotten to see many friends that I enjoy spending time with. I went with Rachel on her class trip to a lakehouse. It was pretty awesome, I did the normal lake things such as wake boarding, Tubing, jumping off high things into the water. Of course soaking up the rays with good laughs. Although, it reminded me how old I was because I was the oldest there, besides parents of course.
It just reminds me that I am getting old, but to still have a good time. Thats all I ever want to have in life, a good life, a good time, a good family, a good home, good friends. Some say that is wishful thinking, I wouldn't say that, I would say it is keeping the mind clear. For my mind is on board for an fantastic adventure known as life, and I expect no more and no less than what is in front of me!
Have a heart of a child, a mind of the old, and a love like no other.
~P
I always enjoy my time spent here because I grew up so its like reliving childhood again. Although Rachel has a new cat, that goes by many names, like TimTim, Timmy, Devil Cat, Monster, and Timothy. So my eyes water and nose full of snot, I still love my time here. Even though the thought of Devil Cat makes my lungs shrink to half their size, for I am allergic and my brain says get away, I still enjoy watching TimTim cause chaos to the grapes on the kitchen table. As weird as it sounds, I always pictured myself as a cat, if I wasn't human that is, being lazy all day, making trouble, and eating till I am a fat happy cat.
Because this house is filled with 8 to 9 people at a time, everyone sleeps in different rooms they are not used to, because I am staying in Aarons room. The only room in the house without windows, leaving the room pitch dark when the moon drifts in the sky. Setting the alarm clock to cast a very small red light to help me see. It's very creepy sometimes not being able to see, not knowing if you eyes are even shut. But it makes a good room to loose track of time, not knowing when the sun is out and dancing in his jazz shoes. I have the best dreams in that room, so lucid and crazy. Kind of like Inception.
Anywho, I have gotten to see many friends that I enjoy spending time with. I went with Rachel on her class trip to a lakehouse. It was pretty awesome, I did the normal lake things such as wake boarding, Tubing, jumping off high things into the water. Of course soaking up the rays with good laughs. Although, it reminded me how old I was because I was the oldest there, besides parents of course.
It just reminds me that I am getting old, but to still have a good time. Thats all I ever want to have in life, a good life, a good time, a good family, a good home, good friends. Some say that is wishful thinking, I wouldn't say that, I would say it is keeping the mind clear. For my mind is on board for an fantastic adventure known as life, and I expect no more and no less than what is in front of me!
Have a heart of a child, a mind of the old, and a love like no other.
~P
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Like a War.
I don't know why you ask me so many things, I mean I really don't have anything to say about them. I don't understand why you push to know the answers to something you don't care about. You're not being curious, you're being, stubborn. It doesn't even matter really, because I know the answers and reasons to my own problems. Because when it comes down to the end, their isn't a thing I can do, or you, or anyone else. I'm not hurting anymore, of course not, I don't even know what that feels like anymore. Hurt is like being skinned alive, slowly.
No, I don't have words for you anymore, the things I needed to say have already been said. Sure, it's true I should have been smarter with my words, but I never got a chance to think about it. Too caught up in my words you know? Flash of rage and the mellow stillness of feeling sorry. If their is one thing I know by now, you can never be right. Ever. When you are told different of your own thought, that person will stick to what they believe, even if you are right. But if you are right, then you aren't aloud to say anything, because if you do, you will be hung.
I know when to look at myself, to never look. Truth is like a naked person. Blind people always tend to see better from the start. I've always been blind in one eye. I've seen people bleeding, some with burns, others stitching their scars. The smell of fear, and honesty. But the people are separated from them are fine, walking around like front page news.
When disaster follows hard upon disaster and terror hangs on every side...
If you wanted to know what was going on, that is. When you ask what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go. I'll tell you, the first place that doesn't know my name.
No, I don't have words for you anymore, the things I needed to say have already been said. Sure, it's true I should have been smarter with my words, but I never got a chance to think about it. Too caught up in my words you know? Flash of rage and the mellow stillness of feeling sorry. If their is one thing I know by now, you can never be right. Ever. When you are told different of your own thought, that person will stick to what they believe, even if you are right. But if you are right, then you aren't aloud to say anything, because if you do, you will be hung.
I know when to look at myself, to never look. Truth is like a naked person. Blind people always tend to see better from the start. I've always been blind in one eye. I've seen people bleeding, some with burns, others stitching their scars. The smell of fear, and honesty. But the people are separated from them are fine, walking around like front page news.
When disaster follows hard upon disaster and terror hangs on every side...
If you wanted to know what was going on, that is. When you ask what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go. I'll tell you, the first place that doesn't know my name.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Translations.
I have heard of people burying their dead,
people shooting for the stars,
and sparking the flint.
People who don't have cares in the world,
Then ones with rules.
But rules are only guidelines,
and rules are meant to be broken.
People play with magic smoke,
and people play with magic elixirs.
Ones who claim to have seen it,
and people who actually have.
I've always walked on cobblestone streets,
but never have I once watched my step.
I'm on a journey to find someone,
someone who cannot be found.
I am chained to my child like behavior,
chained to my weak lungs.
Like an empty wallet I have nothing to give,
but I don't expect much either.
I was born to be a hunter of hearts,
but somehow I have lost my way.
I was told to be a teacher, voice, leader,
but I have grown as a servant to your wises.
Love said you already have your own wings,
I will not give you more feathers.
people shooting for the stars,
and sparking the flint.
People who don't have cares in the world,
Then ones with rules.
But rules are only guidelines,
and rules are meant to be broken.
People play with magic smoke,
and people play with magic elixirs.
Ones who claim to have seen it,
and people who actually have.
I've always walked on cobblestone streets,
but never have I once watched my step.
I'm on a journey to find someone,
someone who cannot be found.
I am chained to my child like behavior,
chained to my weak lungs.
Like an empty wallet I have nothing to give,
but I don't expect much either.
I was born to be a hunter of hearts,
but somehow I have lost my way.
I was told to be a teacher, voice, leader,
but I have grown as a servant to your wises.
Love said you already have your own wings,
I will not give you more feathers.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Interesting.
Isn't it weird how people say, "I know what you mean" or "I know the feeling". I don't think they do, I tend to say it a lot none-the-less. Even though, I know when you say those two thing, you really don't acknowledge the feeling, or whatever it my be.
But, even if you did mean it, do you really feel what I feel, or at least felt it. Somehow I doubt it.
Man, I tend to doubt a lot of thing s now'a'days, the list grow everyday too. Strange thing is, I don't mind it.
I really don't think I'll find the thing to turn the list around. Not for a while at least.
I've decided to get a tattoo by the way, just thought you should know. One of a Treble Clef over my right shoulder on my back. The other of a puzzle piece on my chest. You can decide what they mean if you want to, I have my own thought on them.
Time, and time again.
~Paul
But, even if you did mean it, do you really feel what I feel, or at least felt it. Somehow I doubt it.
Man, I tend to doubt a lot of thing s now'a'days, the list grow everyday too. Strange thing is, I don't mind it.
I really don't think I'll find the thing to turn the list around. Not for a while at least.
I've decided to get a tattoo by the way, just thought you should know. One of a Treble Clef over my right shoulder on my back. The other of a puzzle piece on my chest. You can decide what they mean if you want to, I have my own thought on them.
Time, and time again.
~Paul
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I don't really know.
A: What are you thinking?
B: What am I thinking? Hm, I don't really know.
A: You always seem to be thinking about something. I just wanted to be let in on you're little secrets.
B: Secrets? I have no secrets. People just think I do because I don't say anything about them.
A: About them? So you do have secrets?
B: No, I said I didn't have secrets, people just think I have them.
A: Oh, well do you have something to hide?
B: I'm pretty sure everyone hide now and again.
A: Not me.
B: Right, I forgot, you don't hide anything at all.
A: Well you know what I mean.
B: Apparently not...
A: Oh, well you should.
B: Right...I really don't think you understand what you're saying.
A: Well do you understand half the things you say.
B: Of course not....
A: .......
B: .......................
A: ..........There you go again, thinking about something.
B: Well do you want me to talk the whole time about useless nonsense.
A: No, I want you to about what you're thinking, of course.
B: .....I'm thinking my eyes hurt and they might fall out of my head.
A: That's interesting?
B: Yeah, see, doesn't really matter. See, People think I have this amazing imagination, truth is, it gets very lonely. I mean, well you wouldn't understand it.
A: Try me.
B: Seriously, you wouldn't. I don't even understand it, and it's my head.
Maybe,
Paul
B: What am I thinking? Hm, I don't really know.
A: You always seem to be thinking about something. I just wanted to be let in on you're little secrets.
B: Secrets? I have no secrets. People just think I do because I don't say anything about them.
A: About them? So you do have secrets?
B: No, I said I didn't have secrets, people just think I have them.
A: Oh, well do you have something to hide?
B: I'm pretty sure everyone hide now and again.
A: Not me.
B: Right, I forgot, you don't hide anything at all.
A: Well you know what I mean.
B: Apparently not...
A: Oh, well you should.
B: Right...I really don't think you understand what you're saying.
A: Well do you understand half the things you say.
B: Of course not....
A: .......
B: .......................
A: ..........There you go again, thinking about something.
B: Well do you want me to talk the whole time about useless nonsense.
A: No, I want you to about what you're thinking, of course.
B: .....I'm thinking my eyes hurt and they might fall out of my head.
A: That's interesting?
B: Yeah, see, doesn't really matter. See, People think I have this amazing imagination, truth is, it gets very lonely. I mean, well you wouldn't understand it.
A: Try me.
B: Seriously, you wouldn't. I don't even understand it, and it's my head.
Maybe,
Paul
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
What you might not know.
Here are some random facts about myself...
~ I like to shower when I wake up and before I go to bed.
~ Sometimes I think about random things so much I get a headache.
~ I wish I was taller.
~ I try to be as loving as possible.
~ I see life as one big ride.
~ I absolutely suck at math.
~ I love discussing random crazy thoughts, but taking it seriously.
~ I play guitar when I'm upset, happy, mad, pretty much any emotion.
~ I don't like people who try to outdo other people for no reason.
~ I'm a guy who enjoys clothes.
~ I like to fall asleep on peoples laps.
~ I wish I didn't have asthma.
~ Not really a big fan of icing on top of cakes.
~ Sweden is one place I could live.
~ Can't wait to get married.
~ I've always wanted to be a music star.
~ I really want to travel the world.
~ I want to change my life to be a better person towards everyone and everything.
~ I could sit all day and not say anything to my girl if she just wants a quiet day.
~ I don't read books unless I can relate.
~ Girls with a little freckles make me smile.
~ If I were to die in one hour, I tell everyone goodbye and go play guitar outside.
~ I like cool/cold weather because I like jackets.
~ I used to rock the big baggy jeans, now I rock skinny.
~ I believe in saving the Earth.
~ I believe in God
~ That means I believe in Satin
~ I believe in "I am being:" as in, "I am being: Joyful"
~ I'll eat just about anything.
~ I love pictures, but I feel like I'm invading peoples space if I'm taking them.
~ I have died before.
~ I enjoy making sarcastic remakes and making no points when I talk.
~ I could sleep all day.
~ I like to know the time of everything.
~ I am getting a headache right now....
~ I like to shower when I wake up and before I go to bed.
~ Sometimes I think about random things so much I get a headache.
~ I wish I was taller.
~ I try to be as loving as possible.
~ I see life as one big ride.
~ I absolutely suck at math.
~ I love discussing random crazy thoughts, but taking it seriously.
~ I play guitar when I'm upset, happy, mad, pretty much any emotion.
~ I don't like people who try to outdo other people for no reason.
~ I'm a guy who enjoys clothes.
~ I like to fall asleep on peoples laps.
~ I wish I didn't have asthma.
~ Not really a big fan of icing on top of cakes.
~ Sweden is one place I could live.
~ Can't wait to get married.
~ I've always wanted to be a music star.
~ I really want to travel the world.
~ I want to change my life to be a better person towards everyone and everything.
~ I could sit all day and not say anything to my girl if she just wants a quiet day.
~ I don't read books unless I can relate.
~ Girls with a little freckles make me smile.
~ If I were to die in one hour, I tell everyone goodbye and go play guitar outside.
~ I like cool/cold weather because I like jackets.
~ I used to rock the big baggy jeans, now I rock skinny.
~ I believe in saving the Earth.
~ I believe in God
~ That means I believe in Satin
~ I believe in "I am being:" as in, "I am being: Joyful"
~ I'll eat just about anything.
~ I love pictures, but I feel like I'm invading peoples space if I'm taking them.
~ I have died before.
~ I enjoy making sarcastic remakes and making no points when I talk.
~ I could sleep all day.
~ I like to know the time of everything.
~ I am getting a headache right now....
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Back in my State of Mind
Yesterday we Mandi and I jumped on a plane to come from our 28 day in Sweden. It was such a long day, because the night before I went to bed around 1 and got up around 5:40 last I remember. From there we got into the van a drove to the airport, in between Uppsala and Stockholm. From there we had to wait in line to check bags. Mandi bag (of course) was too heavy, so we had to stick some of her stuff in my bag. I can only think of what they thought if they searched it...
From there we had to go through a field of metal detectors and quickly getting your items back on you. The whole time I was thinking about my friends there in Sweden and how they loved the song Plane from Jason Mraz. Making my heart heavy as I walk to the gate where our plane will leave the ground. With my backpack over my back and my guitar in my right hand, we walk by so many different people and shops. At the gate as Mandi and I sit somewhat quiet, silent but aware we are leaving Sweden, friends, and loved ones.
Finally our row is called and we board the plane, with my guitar safely in hand. I start to worry they will take it from my caring nature. To my surprise they didn't I got it in a over head and there was plenty of room for everyones stuff too! Mandi takes her seat by the window and I sit in the middle and a nice lady sits on the other side. I thought it wouldn't be such a bad flight. As the sun is starting to really shine now through the window, I start to fall asleep before take off. My headphones already pumping some jams into my head, my eyes grow heavy.
3, 2, 1, lift off! The engines sound like one huge wave crashing on the shore. We take off and we are in the air. As Mandi sits quiet in deep thought, I start to do the same thing. 28 days start to take it's toll when you leave. After about 4 hours, I have done just about everything, from listen to music, playing with my fingers, eating candy, asking for drinks, standing in the bathroom, and watching Sherlock Holms. I felt the need to write. So I asked Mandi for a pen and a piece of paper, she got it out and handed to me with a slightly confused face. I don't hand write a lot, I just wait till I find a computer. But this time, I wasn't so I wrote a letter to someone. At first I didn't know what to write, so I wrote what I was thinking and felt. I wrote up the page front and back, to my surprise, I had a ton to say because I could have kept going. My fingers starting to hurt and the lady kept hitting my arm while I was writing. It's bad enough I write like I'm 4 but now I look like I'm stupid now.
After that we landed in the misty overcast city of Newark. Finally I can stretch, eat, walk around, relax, you know, airport things. Customs was easy and we had to move our bags again. Jumped on the airtrain and zipped to the airplane, where we would have to end up waiting 2 hours. Finally getting on the plane after an extra delay of 30min, the smaller plane was between cozy and uncomfortable. We had to fly 2 hours down the coast. From the sky I felt the urge to write again, although, that was Mandi's last piece, I decided to write on the back. The clouds demanded it, they were amazing.
Finally at the airport we walk out to my parents, who are dying to see Mandi and I, big whole hugs all around. But on an empty stomach, I was very hungry so we went out to eat. Mandi and I decided on chili's to get some almost all American food. I got the ribs, thats American if you ask me. I drank from my glass the size of my head. Answering questions from my parents. From there we had a 3 hour drive home to drop off Mandi.
I look back on my new memories and wonder what will happen next in my life now that this amazing chapter of life and it's adventure has ended. I know I'll see my Swede's again, I don't when, but I know I will.
Till the next time, I am here, at home; living and loving.
~Paul
From there we had to go through a field of metal detectors and quickly getting your items back on you. The whole time I was thinking about my friends there in Sweden and how they loved the song Plane from Jason Mraz. Making my heart heavy as I walk to the gate where our plane will leave the ground. With my backpack over my back and my guitar in my right hand, we walk by so many different people and shops. At the gate as Mandi and I sit somewhat quiet, silent but aware we are leaving Sweden, friends, and loved ones.
Finally our row is called and we board the plane, with my guitar safely in hand. I start to worry they will take it from my caring nature. To my surprise they didn't I got it in a over head and there was plenty of room for everyones stuff too! Mandi takes her seat by the window and I sit in the middle and a nice lady sits on the other side. I thought it wouldn't be such a bad flight. As the sun is starting to really shine now through the window, I start to fall asleep before take off. My headphones already pumping some jams into my head, my eyes grow heavy.
3, 2, 1, lift off! The engines sound like one huge wave crashing on the shore. We take off and we are in the air. As Mandi sits quiet in deep thought, I start to do the same thing. 28 days start to take it's toll when you leave. After about 4 hours, I have done just about everything, from listen to music, playing with my fingers, eating candy, asking for drinks, standing in the bathroom, and watching Sherlock Holms. I felt the need to write. So I asked Mandi for a pen and a piece of paper, she got it out and handed to me with a slightly confused face. I don't hand write a lot, I just wait till I find a computer. But this time, I wasn't so I wrote a letter to someone. At first I didn't know what to write, so I wrote what I was thinking and felt. I wrote up the page front and back, to my surprise, I had a ton to say because I could have kept going. My fingers starting to hurt and the lady kept hitting my arm while I was writing. It's bad enough I write like I'm 4 but now I look like I'm stupid now.
After that we landed in the misty overcast city of Newark. Finally I can stretch, eat, walk around, relax, you know, airport things. Customs was easy and we had to move our bags again. Jumped on the airtrain and zipped to the airplane, where we would have to end up waiting 2 hours. Finally getting on the plane after an extra delay of 30min, the smaller plane was between cozy and uncomfortable. We had to fly 2 hours down the coast. From the sky I felt the urge to write again, although, that was Mandi's last piece, I decided to write on the back. The clouds demanded it, they were amazing.
Finally at the airport we walk out to my parents, who are dying to see Mandi and I, big whole hugs all around. But on an empty stomach, I was very hungry so we went out to eat. Mandi and I decided on chili's to get some almost all American food. I got the ribs, thats American if you ask me. I drank from my glass the size of my head. Answering questions from my parents. From there we had a 3 hour drive home to drop off Mandi.
I look back on my new memories and wonder what will happen next in my life now that this amazing chapter of life and it's adventure has ended. I know I'll see my Swede's again, I don't when, but I know I will.
Till the next time, I am here, at home; living and loving.
~Paul
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The Sun Sets in Sweden.
Well, this might be my most memorable things to ever happen to me. This whole trip was the most...amazing, crazy, heart stopping thing to happen to me. I have had the chance to try so many new things, meet amazing people, taste amazing foods, and see so many things. As I have said before, when our flight got moved to Monday I was so bummed out. But after I got to meet so many amazing people who are now friends of mine. I just don't want to leave, or at least stay a while longer.
Sadly this awesome chapter is coming to an ending. Tomorrow, Mandi and I fly out to the USA. I really don't know what to say right now. I can't even imagine what I am going to be thinking tomorrow while I am on the plane. Although, I will literally be last weeks news by next week. I'll also know, that last week was the best week I have had, ever.
Sweden is definitely on my "to do" list for the future. I will definitely be back here for sure. I have had one heck of a time here. From learning new words to meeting new people. This whole trip was amazing!
Sadly, I have realized that I am going to miss so many things here. Mostly people. Mostly a person. But, I think we will see each other again, maybe? I hope, no! I pray! But till that next time, I will be awake and alive for life!
Jag älskar dig så mycket!
~Paul
Sadly this awesome chapter is coming to an ending. Tomorrow, Mandi and I fly out to the USA. I really don't know what to say right now. I can't even imagine what I am going to be thinking tomorrow while I am on the plane. Although, I will literally be last weeks news by next week. I'll also know, that last week was the best week I have had, ever.
Sweden is definitely on my "to do" list for the future. I will definitely be back here for sure. I have had one heck of a time here. From learning new words to meeting new people. This whole trip was amazing!
Sadly, I have realized that I am going to miss so many things here. Mostly people. Mostly a person. But, I think we will see each other again, maybe? I hope, no! I pray! But till that next time, I will be awake and alive for life!
Jag älskar dig så mycket!
~Paul
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Monday.
You know how everyone seems to hate Monday? Most people go to work, school, other important things. Well, I have always disliked Mondays as well. But this Monday I was looking forward to heading home and seeing my family and friends. Well, the volcano was more of a blessing than a horror. Now I am pretending Monday doesn't even happen every week. I have blocked it completely out of my mind.
Yesterday and Today I was given the offer to talk in the English classes. I said sure and Mandi came along to talk as well. Although I was nervous and had to do the most talking, I think everyone enjoyed Mandi and I. I met so many amazing people in the past 2 days.
But today I had the chance to play in the music class. I played guitar and sang and spoke a little about music. I have never been so nervous in my whole life I think. So many reason, some more pressuring than others. The had no music with me, nothing to drink, not my own guitar, thinking of music off the top of my head, plus, people looking at the the whole time.
I sang with my eyes shut the whole time. Pretending to play for myself, tell myself it's okay. I few times I opened my eyes and peeked to look at someone. They smiled at me while I sang and played. My voice wasn't in good conditions in this cold weather and nothing to drink, plus I was very nervous. I was shaking like a leaf.
But, I found a calming in this person I kept looking at, although, I didn't look often, I didn't want to weird them out.
Anyways, I only have a few more days before awful Monday, so maybe, if I'm lucky, I will get a strong reason to come back in these very short days. Till than i will enjoy where I am and who I am with.
Jag älskar dig!
~Paul
Yesterday and Today I was given the offer to talk in the English classes. I said sure and Mandi came along to talk as well. Although I was nervous and had to do the most talking, I think everyone enjoyed Mandi and I. I met so many amazing people in the past 2 days.
But today I had the chance to play in the music class. I played guitar and sang and spoke a little about music. I have never been so nervous in my whole life I think. So many reason, some more pressuring than others. The had no music with me, nothing to drink, not my own guitar, thinking of music off the top of my head, plus, people looking at the the whole time.
I sang with my eyes shut the whole time. Pretending to play for myself, tell myself it's okay. I few times I opened my eyes and peeked to look at someone. They smiled at me while I sang and played. My voice wasn't in good conditions in this cold weather and nothing to drink, plus I was very nervous. I was shaking like a leaf.
But, I found a calming in this person I kept looking at, although, I didn't look often, I didn't want to weird them out.
Anyways, I only have a few more days before awful Monday, so maybe, if I'm lucky, I will get a strong reason to come back in these very short days. Till than i will enjoy where I am and who I am with.
Jag älskar dig!
~Paul
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
It's all up in the air.
This morning when I awoke in an empty house, sun shining, and people running around like ants. I thought today would be another normal day, and it was. But Taylors trip to Germany is a-go. He jumps on a plane sores through the ash-filled air to the land of Schnitzel to work through the hands of God. Tonight, the group, or team, he is going with got together to talk about if they should still go. This trip has been planned for months now. They spoke about it, shared thoughts, looked up flights, and looked at ashed areas. They have decided they are going, but have asked if God wills it he will stop the flight.
Ironic how Mandi and I will be here till Monday and we are seeing him off tomorrow. Here is the kicker, he is coming back Monday.
So, from this morning to tonight, I didn't know Taylor is leaving. Now it has dawned on me that he won't be here tomorrow. I suppose Mandi took it the same way, but is taking it worse on the ending half. But, the world-known couple doesn't let shadows snap at their ankles. They both are sharing laughs, just they have all week.
I'm more worried about their trip, they all seemed so refreshed and calm in the room talking about it. Though this volcano has brought many airlines to their knees, leaving people sleeping on their suitcases and floors of airports, and leaving most homesick. This volcano packs a nasty punch, but they all have faith that they will make it.
Here is a REAL UNEDITED picture of the volcano, Eyjafjallajokull, yes, that is the real name too...
YES, You're eyes are not playing tricks. That is lighting, lava, ash, and ice all in one picture. Although no one in Europe and the States are getting lava and lighting mixture of death. Iceland is still okay, only one side of the small island takes a beating. But it still leaves many people homeless.
My heart goes out to those in need, those without a home, those who are sleeping on cold tile airport floors, and medication transportation.
Just hold on a little bit longer, we can make it through this.
~Paul
Ironic how Mandi and I will be here till Monday and we are seeing him off tomorrow. Here is the kicker, he is coming back Monday.
So, from this morning to tonight, I didn't know Taylor is leaving. Now it has dawned on me that he won't be here tomorrow. I suppose Mandi took it the same way, but is taking it worse on the ending half. But, the world-known couple doesn't let shadows snap at their ankles. They both are sharing laughs, just they have all week.
I'm more worried about their trip, they all seemed so refreshed and calm in the room talking about it. Though this volcano has brought many airlines to their knees, leaving people sleeping on their suitcases and floors of airports, and leaving most homesick. This volcano packs a nasty punch, but they all have faith that they will make it.
Here is a REAL UNEDITED picture of the volcano, Eyjafjallajokull, yes, that is the real name too...
YES, You're eyes are not playing tricks. That is lighting, lava, ash, and ice all in one picture. Although no one in Europe and the States are getting lava and lighting mixture of death. Iceland is still okay, only one side of the small island takes a beating. But it still leaves many people homeless.
My heart goes out to those in need, those without a home, those who are sleeping on cold tile airport floors, and medication transportation.
Just hold on a little bit longer, we can make it through this.
~Paul
Home is where the heart is.
I've heard a lot of things are good for the soul. But few actually turn out to be true. I would have to say that traveling is definitely considered to be one of the highest in soul growing. Meeting new people, saying new things, eating new things, seeing new places.
I've also heard that "getting there is half the fun". That also turns out to be true. It might be just you alone, on a journey to the store or across the world. Or grab a loved one or a few friends and high-tail it across the start or to the beach!
But when you are away from long periods of time, you began to feel what most people call "Home Sick". This sensation comes from the deepest part or your stomach and travels through the blood line, and under the skin.
As people know, my trip was suppose to be 19 days long, but that has turned into 28 days. Hopefully there is not +(plus) sign on the end of the 28. So while I sleep on my make shift bed of bars and springs, washing clothes so I have things to wear, using my money wisely, and learning to speak Swedish.
I have told myself home is where the heart is, wherever you hang your hat at, wherever your being is, I am There. I must remind myself to be here than somewhere else. To be there for others and myself in order to enjoy myself and the others around me.
So remember, to always enjoy yourself and others in the place you are in. With a harmonious state of mind, and stay awake for the whole ride!
Cheers!
~Paul
I've also heard that "getting there is half the fun". That also turns out to be true. It might be just you alone, on a journey to the store or across the world. Or grab a loved one or a few friends and high-tail it across the start or to the beach!
But when you are away from long periods of time, you began to feel what most people call "Home Sick". This sensation comes from the deepest part or your stomach and travels through the blood line, and under the skin.
As people know, my trip was suppose to be 19 days long, but that has turned into 28 days. Hopefully there is not +(plus) sign on the end of the 28. So while I sleep on my make shift bed of bars and springs, washing clothes so I have things to wear, using my money wisely, and learning to speak Swedish.
I have told myself home is where the heart is, wherever you hang your hat at, wherever your being is, I am There. I must remind myself to be here than somewhere else. To be there for others and myself in order to enjoy myself and the others around me.
So remember, to always enjoy yourself and others in the place you are in. With a harmonious state of mind, and stay awake for the whole ride!
Cheers!
~Paul
Monday, April 19, 2010
Making a list and checking it twice!
As you all know I'm stuck in Sweden at the moment. The trip that had a schedule has turned into a spur of the moment trip. Because Levi and Taylor failed to leave me a key so I can come and go around town as I please, I've been stuck here. (I didn't ask for them to leave me the key, I forgot.) With the world going on outside the windows, I have to choose from these things.
Swedish Tv
Music
Guitar playing
Reading
Eating
Sleeping
Computer
Dancing
People watching
It's really not all that bad, on the count of I have 7 more days to burn before returning to the "...amazing city of Vidalia..." I have been trying to turn "Being held captive my a volcano" into "Enjoying life".
So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I have come up with a list of things I should do when I return home. (Some mandatory, some not)
Plan my Eagle Scout Project
Spending time with Family
Sleeping in my own bed
Going to the movies with someone
Catching up with people near by
Going to the beach
Eating home-cooked food
Telling stories
(This one I really want to do) Get all my Calhoun buddies together and hang out for a few days, hopefully they all still enjoy my company.
So as you can see, I've been missing home, but I am also enjoying the time away from everything.
Killing time before Time kills me.
~Paul
Swedish Tv
Music
Guitar playing
Reading
Eating
Sleeping
Computer
Dancing
People watching
It's really not all that bad, on the count of I have 7 more days to burn before returning to the "...amazing city of Vidalia..." I have been trying to turn "Being held captive my a volcano" into "Enjoying life".
So I've been doing a lot of thinking and I have come up with a list of things I should do when I return home. (Some mandatory, some not)
Plan my Eagle Scout Project
Spending time with Family
Sleeping in my own bed
Going to the movies with someone
Catching up with people near by
Going to the beach
Eating home-cooked food
Telling stories
(This one I really want to do) Get all my Calhoun buddies together and hang out for a few days, hopefully they all still enjoy my company.
So as you can see, I've been missing home, but I am also enjoying the time away from everything.
Killing time before Time kills me.
~Paul
Saturday, April 17, 2010
That Volcano is an Ash.
Don't worry it'll be fine
Set the clock back and rewind
For the ashes in the sky fall
I really don't mind at all
My money is running low
Looks like Sunday will be a no show
Oh well, I'll take my time
I'm sure everything will be fine.
So I know I have been posting a lot of blogs, if you keep up with me I mean. I've been trying to keep people who want to be updated, updated. Our flight has gone down the drain and are moved to next Monday. So we will be here another 9 days. Although Mandi and I don't really mind, the mothers back home are missing us. This volcano is not just a global and public headache, it's becoming a personal one with family and friends.
My two friends whom I am staying with, Taylor and Levi, have been keeping my spirit alive and laughing. Although Levi has a Team Trip to Finland Thursday, he will be jumping on a boat and leaving. Taylor also has one, to Germany, But it might not goes as planed because they were going to fly. As for the amazing family known as the Liljebäck, have been keeping Mandi safe and sound with their family love.
Hopefully nothing will go wrong and we will possibly be home sooner if the wind blows a bit quicker and Mt. Eyjafjallajokull (Yes, thats the real name) would stop throwing up ash. Maybe we will get home sooner or later, only time will tell.
From the mind of madness
~P
Set the clock back and rewind
For the ashes in the sky fall
I really don't mind at all
My money is running low
Looks like Sunday will be a no show
Oh well, I'll take my time
I'm sure everything will be fine.
So I know I have been posting a lot of blogs, if you keep up with me I mean. I've been trying to keep people who want to be updated, updated. Our flight has gone down the drain and are moved to next Monday. So we will be here another 9 days. Although Mandi and I don't really mind, the mothers back home are missing us. This volcano is not just a global and public headache, it's becoming a personal one with family and friends.
My two friends whom I am staying with, Taylor and Levi, have been keeping my spirit alive and laughing. Although Levi has a Team Trip to Finland Thursday, he will be jumping on a boat and leaving. Taylor also has one, to Germany, But it might not goes as planed because they were going to fly. As for the amazing family known as the Liljebäck, have been keeping Mandi safe and sound with their family love.
Hopefully nothing will go wrong and we will possibly be home sooner if the wind blows a bit quicker and Mt. Eyjafjallajokull (Yes, thats the real name) would stop throwing up ash. Maybe we will get home sooner or later, only time will tell.
From the mind of madness
~P
No Smoking.
I woke up this morning realizing today is my last day in Sweden, and I haven't made plans. Not saying that is a bad thing, but we have done just about everything we can do around us. The only thing that surprises me with its beauty is the nature in itself. Although, nature might be the thing Mandi and I from jumping on a plane and flying home. Due to the Volcano that you have most likely heard about, it still vomits thick ash to choke Europe.
Because nature has literally thrown the world on the edge of it's seat, I feel the worlds panic attack taking place because Mandi and I are in the situation. Although, because nature has no rules, I am reminded that the simple Earth Day is coming up April 22. Remembering that we live on a huge blue and green rock that has more beauty than any man made things.
Caught between fresh air and smoke, time changes, friends and family, home cooked and airline food. I am sitting deep and relaxed in my chair, not to worry about nature, because there is nothing I can do but wait the storm out.
Even when I am up in the air, or down on the ground, my mind will always be sound.
~Paul
Because nature has literally thrown the world on the edge of it's seat, I feel the worlds panic attack taking place because Mandi and I are in the situation. Although, because nature has no rules, I am reminded that the simple Earth Day is coming up April 22. Remembering that we live on a huge blue and green rock that has more beauty than any man made things.
Caught between fresh air and smoke, time changes, friends and family, home cooked and airline food. I am sitting deep and relaxed in my chair, not to worry about nature, because there is nothing I can do but wait the storm out.
Even when I am up in the air, or down on the ground, my mind will always be sound.
~Paul
Friday, April 16, 2010
What a Fairy Tale.
It's so hot in here. I can't stand it. The bed creeks when I move, I don't wanna wake the others. My hair is still wet and my mind is on fire with thoughts. I wonder what will happen to us. I have no money. I think he is sleep talking. That light looks like road runner. Doesn't smell to me. Maybe someday I'll meet her. Man, I am burning up in this room...Finally.
Okay, here is how we play, you go and hide and I'll come and find you. But if I find you, I win a kiss. Okay. I will hide here between the floors of my mind and the bed I am having a heat stroke in. Shh, don't move, she is here. Her feet move slowly across the wood floors. My chest is still, holding my lungs so they won't give away my hiding place. You're feet are smooth, slightly pale colored, small lines cross every space. I can see them now, they are so close to me. As one foot takes a step back and a knee drops to the floor, along with the other. I know I have been found. Slim lips greet me with a small smile biting the lip and a crinkled nose with a freckle here and there. Hair golden, thick, with a smell of home. "I got you, and we had a deal, so I win my prize". With a soft breeze across my nose, come and find me now. A small laugh and a skip down the hall, looking over her shoulder. It is my turn to play now...
Alarms from a cop car drives by, the sun drives into my eyes. The sound of silence is untouched in the air. My body unmoved for hours. Hair, a mess, for each one had it's own place to be. Eyes, crusty, dry, with a slight fog. My bed shakes slowly to the beat of my heart, pumping through my body. A strange noise fills the air and startles slightly, the mail slips through the door in another room. The day is just starting. I better get up.
Okay, here is how we play, you go and hide and I'll come and find you. But if I find you, I win a kiss. Okay. I will hide here between the floors of my mind and the bed I am having a heat stroke in. Shh, don't move, she is here. Her feet move slowly across the wood floors. My chest is still, holding my lungs so they won't give away my hiding place. You're feet are smooth, slightly pale colored, small lines cross every space. I can see them now, they are so close to me. As one foot takes a step back and a knee drops to the floor, along with the other. I know I have been found. Slim lips greet me with a small smile biting the lip and a crinkled nose with a freckle here and there. Hair golden, thick, with a smell of home. "I got you, and we had a deal, so I win my prize". With a soft breeze across my nose, come and find me now. A small laugh and a skip down the hall, looking over her shoulder. It is my turn to play now...
Alarms from a cop car drives by, the sun drives into my eyes. The sound of silence is untouched in the air. My body unmoved for hours. Hair, a mess, for each one had it's own place to be. Eyes, crusty, dry, with a slight fog. My bed shakes slowly to the beat of my heart, pumping through my body. A strange noise fills the air and startles slightly, the mail slips through the door in another room. The day is just starting. I better get up.
Searching for God knows what!
Lately I've been spending my time, spirit, money, love, laughs, and the occasional waste when nature calls in Uppsala, Sweden. The weather is amazing here! most of the time it's sunny, but that is because its spring. Most of the time overcast is the main weather, snow as well. We should be leaving to go back home Sunday, but the skies aren't looking bright at the moment. The chaos in Iceland has stopped all air space in Europe. Although, half of me is wanting to go home to spend time with friends and family. I feel comfortable staying here in loving and welcoming arms of people.
(I would put a picture of all the people I have met in a big group shot, but I haven't had the chance to get one)
Back to the seat high in the sky. The reason we might be unable to come home is because a volcano exploded in Iceland. Sending ashes all over Iceland and slowly spreading it's cancer into Europe. So let us see what God is going to do with us this time.
I am awake and alive for this ride. God has something for me here in Sweden that I must find!
So as of right now, I'm just going to sit back, relax, enjoy Sweden while a still can. This might be the only time I ever get to come here, although, I sure hope not, it's beautiful here. I haven't had enough amazing foods yet, I still have people to meet, things to do, places to see! My life is only just starting!
I am Awake and Alive.
~Paul
(I would put a picture of all the people I have met in a big group shot, but I haven't had the chance to get one)
Back to the seat high in the sky. The reason we might be unable to come home is because a volcano exploded in Iceland. Sending ashes all over Iceland and slowly spreading it's cancer into Europe. So let us see what God is going to do with us this time.
I am awake and alive for this ride. God has something for me here in Sweden that I must find!
So as of right now, I'm just going to sit back, relax, enjoy Sweden while a still can. This might be the only time I ever get to come here, although, I sure hope not, it's beautiful here. I haven't had enough amazing foods yet, I still have people to meet, things to do, places to see! My life is only just starting!
I am Awake and Alive.
~Paul
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Question Me.
You know those questions you get in your mind about someone when you meet them? Like the questions, who are you friends with, where do you live, age, name, you know all those kind of questions. But once you become their friend, the questions keep coming, some deeper, some shallow. either way, life is full of questions. Friends, Family, boss, that random guy that needs help finding out how to get to the subway. You will be attacked by all sides. The questions made like men, with combat boots and rifles, tanks and planes. Advancing on all sides. But somehow, no matter what the question, you make it out alive.
Now, there are always those questions for your friends that you don't know how to ask. The ones that really do lay on the line. Not those questions like "Oh, who is she dating now" or "I heard...ect". I'm talking about those questions you can't even sum up to question. the ones you put away when you think about. The one you say "I'll ask at a better time". The one your friendships depend on.
You know, friendship is a funny thing. Like you go out of your way to help someone. Say things to protect someone. Stand up for someone that your not really sure about.
Lately, I have come across this realization that friendship, I mean real friendship. Not the Cracker-Jack-Prize-In-a-Box friendship, is truly a hard thing to come by these times. I really think friendship isn't full of questions, its full of talking. What I mean by that is, you don't need to ask these off the wall questions. they should be able to tell you knowing, that they can be welcomed with open arms.
I have found that I have questioned so much, my whole life. makes me wonder sometimes.....
I have been pressed against the wall with questions, makes me wonder as well.
Friend, I tell you now that a chapter is coming to a close in my life, and a new one is over the horizon.
From the cold air of Sweden,
~P
Now, there are always those questions for your friends that you don't know how to ask. The ones that really do lay on the line. Not those questions like "Oh, who is she dating now" or "I heard...ect". I'm talking about those questions you can't even sum up to question. the ones you put away when you think about. The one you say "I'll ask at a better time". The one your friendships depend on.
You know, friendship is a funny thing. Like you go out of your way to help someone. Say things to protect someone. Stand up for someone that your not really sure about.
Lately, I have come across this realization that friendship, I mean real friendship. Not the Cracker-Jack-Prize-In-a-Box friendship, is truly a hard thing to come by these times. I really think friendship isn't full of questions, its full of talking. What I mean by that is, you don't need to ask these off the wall questions. they should be able to tell you knowing, that they can be welcomed with open arms.
I have found that I have questioned so much, my whole life. makes me wonder sometimes.....
I have been pressed against the wall with questions, makes me wonder as well.
Friend, I tell you now that a chapter is coming to a close in my life, and a new one is over the horizon.
From the cold air of Sweden,
~P
Sunday, March 28, 2010
And if the Plane goes down...
If you keep up with me and my life, you know I have been talking about going to Sweden since last year. Well, that day has finally come down to, well, very soon. You see, I depart from the good'ol U.S.of.A in 2 days. I leave by car to Jacksonville, Florida, Tuesday(30th) and fly into Newark, New Jersey. Lucky for my dear friend, Mandi and I, we get to sit around for 9 hours playing, I Spy, or something of the sort. Depart from there to go to Stockholm, Sweden(Wednesday the 31th) In other words, I will be traveling for a full 24 hours. But thats okay, I heard traveling is good for the soul.
I still haven't got all my things together yet, and my mother is starting to panic. But that's alright. Shes caught in deciding to drop me off to depart or pick me up. MSK and Mama Kay will most likely do both? I have no idea, I'm not up to date with anything. (sorry)
I am somewhat nervous flying alone over the big blue. But I have always wanted to travel the world, so one small step for me, one giant step for me again in the future!
I do plan on keeping everyone I know updated on Facebook, although, I don't know if many people care. I didn't get any goodbye's today from people. But that's okay, I don't think they realized I won't be here too much longer. But as I said, Status updates, pictures, videos, blogging, skyping, and hoping some string and a can actually can work. You will know what has been going on.
For those I won't get to talk to, make sure your shoes are tied and watch both ways before crossing the road. (This is my traveling song and theme this week.)
Love to everyone, even you.
~Paul
I still haven't got all my things together yet, and my mother is starting to panic. But that's alright. Shes caught in deciding to drop me off to depart or pick me up. MSK and Mama Kay will most likely do both? I have no idea, I'm not up to date with anything. (sorry)
I am somewhat nervous flying alone over the big blue. But I have always wanted to travel the world, so one small step for me, one giant step for me again in the future!
I do plan on keeping everyone I know updated on Facebook, although, I don't know if many people care. I didn't get any goodbye's today from people. But that's okay, I don't think they realized I won't be here too much longer. But as I said, Status updates, pictures, videos, blogging, skyping, and hoping some string and a can actually can work. You will know what has been going on.
For those I won't get to talk to, make sure your shoes are tied and watch both ways before crossing the road. (This is my traveling song and theme this week.)
Love to everyone, even you.
~Paul
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