Ugh...

I can't even write at this moment.

Break it down.

I'm getting ready to spin it around and bring it down again. The school year has started; that means the cold is around the corner and work is on the way. But this time I have a whole new brain wave to spin tracks on. The closer of the summer was a crazy awful good one, if you know what I mean. The last two days were the slideshow of the whole summer, reminding me of what a good time and awful time I have had over the days. But lucky for me, it shows me the new road of the year ahead, what amazing, crazy, upsidedown, twisted inferno, knuckle cracking, spit spitting, guitar ringing action to come!

I have enough stories under my belt to tell, and more to come. I'm not sure what life will bring to my heart, soul, and body. I know their will be change, and I am ready for it. As I always am for life, ready as it is. Who knows what will appear, maybe a new love? New life? Sad endings? Great change? Who knows. I do know that I am once again awake, or I should say reawaken to life. So I am ready, set, go.

Building a new House,
Paul.

As my arms unfold.

Lately, I have spending my days at a good friends house, The Gray, family friends I have grown up with and are like a second home to me. For many reasons I stay here, like, I enjoy being out of the house to feed my adventurous needs, seeing friends, doing new things, laughing about other things. But most importantly, My friend, more like a brother to me, Aaron is getting married and his shower is this weekend. But I decided to come up last week for fun.

I always enjoy my time spent here because I grew up so its like reliving childhood again. Although Rachel has a new cat, that goes by many names, like TimTim, Timmy, Devil Cat, Monster, and Timothy. So my eyes water and nose full of snot, I still love my time here. Even though the thought of Devil Cat makes my lungs shrink to half their size, for I am allergic and my brain says get away, I still enjoy watching TimTim cause chaos to the grapes on the kitchen table. As weird as it sounds, I always pictured myself as a cat, if I wasn't human that is, being lazy all day, making trouble, and eating till I am a fat happy cat.

Because this house is filled with 8 to 9 people at a time, everyone sleeps in different rooms they are not used to, because I am staying in Aarons room. The only room in the house without windows, leaving the room pitch dark when the moon drifts in the sky. Setting the alarm clock to cast a very small red light to help me see. It's very creepy sometimes not being able to see, not knowing if you eyes are even shut. But it makes a good room to loose track of time, not knowing when the sun is out and dancing in his jazz shoes. I have the best dreams in that room, so lucid and crazy. Kind of like Inception.

Anywho, I have gotten to see many friends that I enjoy spending time with. I went with Rachel on her class trip to a lakehouse. It was pretty awesome, I did the normal lake things such as wake boarding, Tubing, jumping off high things into the water. Of course soaking up the rays with good laughs. Although, it reminded me how old I was because I was the oldest there, besides parents of course.

It just reminds me that I am getting old, but to still have a good time. Thats all I ever want to have in life, a good life, a good time, a good family, a good home, good friends. Some say that is wishful thinking, I wouldn't say that, I would say it is keeping the mind clear. For my mind is on board for an fantastic adventure known as life, and I expect no more and no less than what is in front of me!


Have a heart of a child, a mind of the old, and a love like no other.
~P

Like a War.

I don't know why you ask me so many things, I mean I really don't have anything to say about them. I don't understand why you push to know the answers to something you don't care about. You're not being curious, you're being, stubborn. It doesn't even matter really, because I know the answers and reasons to my own problems. Because when it comes down to the end, their isn't a thing I can do, or you, or anyone else. I'm not hurting anymore, of course not, I don't even know what that feels like anymore. Hurt is like being skinned alive, slowly.

No, I don't have words for you anymore, the things I needed to say have already been said. Sure, it's true I should have been smarter with my words, but I never got a chance to think about it. Too caught up in my words you know? Flash of rage and the mellow stillness of feeling sorry. If their is one thing I know by now, you can never be right. Ever. When you are told different of your own thought, that person will stick to what they believe, even if you are right. But if you are right, then you aren't aloud to say anything, because if you do, you will be hung.

I know when to look at myself, to never look. Truth is like a naked person. Blind people always tend to see better from the start. I've always been blind in one eye. I've seen people bleeding, some with burns, others stitching their scars. The smell of fear, and honesty. But the people are separated from them are fine, walking around like front page news.

When disaster follows hard upon disaster and terror hangs on every side...
If you wanted to know what was going on, that is. When you ask what I'm going to do, where I'm going to go. I'll tell you, the first place that doesn't know my name.

Translations.

I have heard of people burying their dead,
people shooting for the stars,
and sparking the flint.

People who don't have cares in the world,
Then ones with rules.
But rules are only guidelines,
and rules are meant to be broken.

People play with magic smoke,
and people play with magic elixirs.
Ones who claim to have seen it,
and people who actually have.

I've always walked on cobblestone streets,
but never have I once watched my step.
I'm on a journey to find someone,
someone who cannot be found.

I am chained to my child like behavior,
chained to my weak lungs.
Like an empty wallet I have nothing to give,
but I don't expect much either.

I was born to be a hunter of hearts,
but somehow I have lost my way.
I was told to be a teacher, voice, leader,
but I have grown as a servant to your wises.

Love said you already have your own wings,
I will not give you more feathers.

Interesting.

Isn't it weird how people say, "I know what you mean" or "I know the feeling". I don't think they do, I tend to say it a lot none-the-less. Even though, I know when you say those two thing, you really don't acknowledge the feeling, or whatever it my be.
But, even if you did mean it, do you really feel what I feel, or at least felt it. Somehow I doubt it.

Man, I tend to doubt a lot of thing s now'a'days, the list grow everyday too. Strange thing is, I don't mind it.

I really don't think I'll find the thing to turn the list around. Not for a while at least.
I've decided to get a tattoo by the way, just thought you should know. One of a Treble Clef over my right shoulder on my back. The other of a puzzle piece on my chest. You can decide what they mean if you want to, I have my own thought on them.

Time, and time again.
~Paul

I don't really know.

A: What are you thinking?

B: What am I thinking? Hm, I don't really know.

A: You always seem to be thinking about something. I just wanted to be let in on you're little secrets.

B: Secrets? I have no secrets. People just think I do because I don't say anything about them.

A: About them? So you do have secrets?

B: No, I said I didn't have secrets, people just think I have them.

A: Oh, well do you have something to hide?

B: I'm pretty sure everyone hide now and again.

A: Not me.

B: Right, I forgot, you don't hide anything at all.

A: Well you know what I mean.

B: Apparently not...

A: Oh, well you should.

B: Right...I really don't think you understand what you're saying.

A: Well do you understand half the things you say.

B: Of course not....

A: .......

B: .......................

A: ..........There you go again, thinking about something.

B: Well do you want me to talk the whole time about useless nonsense.

A: No, I want you to about what you're thinking, of course.

B: .....I'm thinking my eyes hurt and they might fall out of my head.

A: That's interesting?

B: Yeah, see, doesn't really matter. See, People think I have this amazing imagination, truth is, it gets very lonely. I mean, well you wouldn't understand it.

A: Try me.

B: Seriously, you wouldn't. I don't even understand it, and it's my head.

Maybe,
Paul